Love.
This word frightens all in one form or another. Weather it's the obvious relationship, commitment, family, or just rather people in general. Love can be viewed and shown in many ways and forms. I have read many books on this topic, seen others live in this magical process and felt this feeling myself. And you may say why of all things am I writing about such a girly and touchy topic...... Well ladies and gentleman I have been on a roller coaster of this word in the past month. In summary for my first example the building of a church for me came tumbling down and I stopped going to a building for one year almost to date. When I moved I really prayed upon if I wanted to try again. And I did! And I found true hearts and love for Jesus, people who authentically love Jesus seek in him and build others while loving. While I thought this concept was lost God rocked my world I had surrounded myself in and allowed my heart to heal and love and desire things again.
Letting someone you love, love: So my best friend is getting married she has the world's longest engagement therefore I knew it's been coming but because of her lack of planning a desires..... She has waited to do pretty much everything until now.. That being said only 41 weeks from now things are coming along and choices being made.. You see Britnee < that's her name> is not a normal friend.. If I can even use that word. I don't ever tell her this really seeing as she's not a huge "lovey" person. But she is the most important person in my life. I love here more than anything really and her thoughts, feelings and life really impact me more than she even realizes. I love her more than a sister figure she is utterly <besides my cat> the thing in life I would kill, die or creep for! Having this said I guess I got caught up in "Yay my best friends getting married" and forgot what that really means.. Such as her husband really coming first, her having a life kinda without me <like that's possible> and just living life and enjoying it with someone other than her family and me. You see Britnee NEVER planned on loving me as much as she does but she does. And I kinda take pride in that. So this whole process I am realizing I am loving a part of my heart and trusting another person to hold, cherish and love it. AND LET ME TELL YOU this is the hardest thing ever.. I ultimately know he deeply loves her and she loves him but I also know only I can < In my mind> love her.. Which I know is not true but it a VERY hard thing for me to understand. So because of all this it's rough and a process I'm not sure how to feel about yet.... BUT til' death do us part", and let me tell you HE KNOWS I'm in that vow!
SECONDLY: Giving up love. This is soo hard for me as is anyone with a heart. This wont be long but having to "move on or leave" something you have once loved is a process in which is extremely painful and awful. To be continued.
A Support Love:
So many of my friends live farther away and I am used to loving from a distance and being supportive in odd ways. But this new encounter involves someone I love living near me, to moving into a new life beyond me but I can still see this and be a part of it. Which is odd. However my dear love Sarah starts her first semester at Purdue University in which I have already forgiven her for! Hehe. But her moving really made me realize how much I love her and how much I HATE IT. I know that were near and really it is no big deal but it is the thought.. But supporting and encouraging is what new love I am learning to acquire. It's new, odd and weird YES... However it's good. I know that one SHE WILL NEVER meet a soul like me :) But two, just overall deep love that won't be broken because of the love and care we share. Not to mention our fabulous divaliciousness love for fashion!
A Forgiving Love: So as anyone, we all have people in our life who have hurt us betrayed us and just simply don't deserve us. And recently I have struggled with to I allow the toxic-ness or do I turn my cheek 1 million times... This is a process in which the Lord MUST give me strength because I can only do all things through him because my flesh will fail.
A Family Love: So we all know this love. And I really can't go to deep into this yet but when a person in your family hurts you hurt. This is in many more ways than one but I'll touch more on this when I fell as I can.
In Love Soul Love: Soul mate. Your other half, the human a tangible person God created and intended for you to be with. A patience resting love with no borders or expectations. Many want this love and few understand it. For I do not have this love currently but wait patiently for it. It is such an exciting beautiful relationship that is worth more than anything. I wont touch on this too much but I can say even having someone in a connection or pursuing is a wonderful beautiful caught up sweet blessing that I am incredibly thankful for.
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